The last couple of days I have been thinking about my life. I have been thinking, "What am I doing here?" I have been thinking this after an interesting week of work. Like I wrote in my last entry I really don't like my job. I have a boss that is horrible, and that is putting it lightly. I don't ever say bad things about my bosses from any job. I always understand that they have things they have to do, and the reason for it, but this job isn't one of those times. Take yesterday for instance. At the hotel they have a 3rd Thursday series, where the girl who is the sales coordinator, also has a jazz studies degree in vocal, so her and her group perform. I played with them twice last month. Once for the hotels anniversary, and the other time for the actual 3rd Thursday. Now yesterday was the third of the month, normally I would think I would have been off. Nope! Not yesterday, I had to work, now I probably had to work in the morning because I would playing at night. Nope! My boss scheduled me to work on the desk, because there is no one else except who could work on that night. What in the world! I just didn't get it. For the life of me, I do not understand why my boss would do that. I'm not going to get into how the group sounded, that honestly doesn't matter to me. I wanted to play. My boss over the last few weeks has really pissed me off. Yesterday was the cherry on top. I really would have appreciated a reason why she did that type of scheduling. In the past when I worked at President Tuxedo, it didn't matter. I wasn't really all that bothered working at night. I got off at 9, was able to do stuff. When you get off at 11:30, and don't have friends in the area, what really can you do? Now my boss just walked around all of yesterday acting like everything was just fine. Her and the rest of management sat in the bar area laughing it up. While I stood around becoming angrier and angrier. This made me think, "What am I doing here?"
It wasn't a thought of what I am doing here at work, rather what am I doing in this life? What the fuck am I doing? Why am I working this shitty ass job, where I think the management is such a fucking joke. Not funny haha either, but just sad ass management. I really haven't sat down and wrote out what I want to do. I have for a few months now said I will do it, but I haven't. This also coincides with the fact I have been wanting to write my old saxophone teacher at UNL, and the chick at Baltimore International College, where I was thinking about going to culinary school. I just haven't been able to do it. I really like to think everything out that I want to do. I really am not a spontaneous person. Well, unless I am drunk, then all bets are off. The problem with me has always been the fact I don't want anyone to be ashamed of me. I want people to be proud of me. I really want love from people. I have resided myself to the fact opposite sex love won't be coming my way anytime soon, so its a different love I am after. I want a love affair with people being proud of me. Even though that may sound really crazy, but I need something to look for. I am not really happy either. I just get up and go and do what I have to do. I am happy to be going out and doing something everyday now. I do like working, it makes me feel like I am accomplishing something, even though it is not what I would like to be accomplishing. I would like to be practicing more than I am, but again work controls a lot of my schedule. Going back to my boss, when I was starting I was coming in at 3. I was able to practice from about noon to 2 or so, depending on the day and all that jazz. Now I have to be to work at 2, which I still haven't adjusted myself to doing things earlier. I haven't practiced in a while. I did practice yesterday for a little bit, but its not enough. I have not motivated myself to do what I need to do. I guess in some ways I am kind of depressed. The only excitement I have is when I go visit Sharma. That is pretty much once a month or so. I guess I am acting like a different person when i go to work. I try to give great customer service, go that extra mile, and pretend to be happy. I am unfortunately not happy. When I moved here I was thinking about how in the hell am going to get out. I have not figured that question out in the least. I am making money, I am starting to pay on my bills.
I really do think though I just don't feel like I am ready for any of this. I was listening to Tavis Smiley's commentaries this morning on the Tom Joyner website, and I thought about how I don't know where my last 4 years or so went. I do know where I was and what I did, but why didn't I know that other things were going on in the world. Why didn't I push myself to read more? Why didn't I open myself up more to certain situations? I just do not know. I have a lot of other things on my mind, but I have other things I need to do. Late!
Well, its been a while since I have written any type of weblog. It was only a few months ago that I started two new blog account, one was with the thought of putting up clips of news videos from various sources, the other was going to be my reviews of things going on, and event listings. How well did that turn out? Well, it was going to be good. My news blog In Case You Missed It, is still up and going, but I haven't put up a lot of videos. My reviews blog is just sitting dorminant. I'll get back to it soon. I have had other things to contend with. Mainly the fact I have a new job. I am a "front desk agent" at the Courtyard/Residence Inn by Marriott in Aberdeen, Maryland. I make $8.83 and hour right now. I have only worked there two months and I am in process of training two new people. What the fuck? Let me be honest, I do not like this job. The management for this job has to be the biggest joke I have EVER worked for. They are unorganized, they do not communicate worth shit. They like to make themselves seem bigger than they really are. They barely manage and when they are around, I don't really know what they do. Well, other than have meetings, go out to eat, and waste money. I keep thinking maybe I don't understand this business. Let's be honest I worked for President Tuxedo for years. I mean things came in there completely fucked up, and you really had to improvise at certain moments, but I am older now. I can see through the cloud of bull shit. Do not get me wrong though, my general manager does try at something.
Now even though I do not like my job, there is/was one plus. They do have a jazz night. On every third thursday of the month, they have live jazz. The girl who is the sales coordinator also has a jazz studies degree in vocal performance. She has a group that performs, I have gotten to play with them a couple of times. Its funny in a lot of senses. I have never really played with a singer. I have not played in a combo situation in about 3 years or more, so I get practice in everything. I also have gotten paid $50 each time I have played, which has been twice. Unfortunately, that has a problem as well. The girl does about as much advertising about jazz night has I know about getting a girlfriend. Very little. She puts up flyers the day of. For the first week in May, they introduced doing something every thursday. It was her singing, did I know anything about it, until I came in? Nope. Then last week they had guitar hero night, how did I find out about that? I saw the flyer on her desk, the day before it was scheduled to happen.
With this job as well, I have realized that I will become and love being a micro manager. If you aren't a micro manager for somethings, you will be screwed. I was talking to Sharma when I was hanging out with him a few weeks ago and he asked me how long I was going to stick with this job. I said probably till September. With a job like that, I will totally be using my discount. I can get a room at a Courtyard by Marriott for like $39. Compare that to certain places, that is well a 100% discount. Again, the only small bright side to the job. I will say this, I do enjoy some of the people I work with. When I have no bosses around, I do act like me. Whatever the hell that is.
I just do not like the fact that I work this job and since I have started, I work every night. Not everyday, but every night. Tomorrow I am finishing working 9, yes 9 days in a row. I was supposed to be off on last Thursday, but this girl who is a completely shitty worker did feel well, so I had to go in for her. This took away my one off day for the work week, and just so I can be clear. I was off on Sunday the 4th, but the real work week is Monday through Friday. I have worked Monday the 5th through what is going to be tomorrow the 13th. Now I would not mind working a few nights here and there, but this is what makes me upset with management, especially my manager. Why must I work every night? I understand my availability that I gave them doesn't mean anything for certain days, like Saturdays. I said I am available in the mornings only. The only Saturday mornings I get are the ones I request. Its ridiculous. I know I am good worker at these stupid jobs, but there is more to my life than that crap. I know a lot of friends have been through the working at night thing. I mean I have done it, but this time its different. Working 2/3-11:30 is the pits. Especially when you would love to go and do something, but can't because you have just gotten off at 11:30 and your town is lame. I don't have fun unless I go hang out with Sharma, who I must say keeps me sane. If I did not have him nearby, I would have fallen into a deep depression, or would have just hated every minute of this move.
Well, I have written my customary life's long entry. I hopefully will be able to come back and write something soon.
For all the stupid things I have seen lately, this one takes the cake. Governor Eliot Spitzer was involved in a prostitution ring. Here are the first thoughts that entered my mind. What in the world was he thinking? How do you do such a thing? This also brought me to second thought. What do Eliot Spitzer, David Vitter, and Kwame Kilpatrick have in common? Each cheated on there wife. Now I honestly do not get it. Why do these men with decent looking wives feel the need to cheat? Some may feel its the power. Others will say they do not think they will get caught. I think these men are just idiots who should kicked in the ass by there spouses.
I have not had a date in over a year. I can not get a woman to look in my direction for any reason. These men in power however have good looking women, but no, that's not good enough for them. In the case of Spitzer, his wife wasn't good enough. He needed to go to Washington, D.C. for a prostitute. Are they just nuts? This is what I think men like that should have done. They should have gotten a divorce. I am dead serious. Spitzer has been married for 20 years, with three teenage daughters. I think its simple, once you get married, keep your penis in your pants. Unless it is going in your wife, or it is in your hands. You have taken a vow, if you feel you can no longer keep the vow, then get a divorce. For Kilpatrick, he cheated on his wife with his chief of staff. Kilpatrick's wife is very attractive. I do not care about the Ms. Beatty was his high school love. He's not in high school anymore. He is the mayor of one of the biggest cities in the nation. Senator Vitter is ridiculously stupid because of the timing. He is the senator of a state (Louisanna) that is still recovering from Katrina. Why don't they think? It was funny during the beginning of Spitzers statement saying it was a private matter. I am sorry, but you are the governor of New York, anything that involves you and the law is public. The only private thing is when you go to the bathroom.
I have not one of those in the camps that think he done. I just think Spitzer is an idiot, whose going to be fighting hardcore for his political life. The only good thing going for him is the fact he's a good lawyer. According to many today he made a good move by not saying to much. We will see in the long run how that goes for him.
I have been thinking for the last few weeks what I am going to be doing. What are my reasons for doing certain things. Today was another one of those days. I got up this morning and went to a job fair for independent schools, which is nothing but a private school. They have an association for independent Maryland schools (AIMS). I found the entire thing interesting. It would be a lot more interesting to me if I wasn't a music person. The problem with being a music person is the fact your path is always laid for you. If you an instrumentalist, then you are teaching band. If you are a vocalist, then you are teaching choir. It is pretty much that simple. If you are a history person, then of course you are teaching history, but you have other avenues to expand yourself to. You can go for department head status, you have chances to move up in the world. For someone like myself, I don't see any real growth. The problem also being I am not a certificated teacher. To teach in private schools you don't have to be certificated, which is a reason I have an opportunity to be considered for any job. Which takes me to my lovely day today.
My day today did allow me to find a few things though. I met two schools that will probably have me in for an interview. One job for Indian Creek School, did interest me. They were looking for a woodwind player. They are going to starting a jazz program, or they want to start one. The other school was an all boys school, with a job for middle school band. I honestly do not want to teach middle school band. I always say I can teach band, I just really do not want to. I subbed for a music class last week, and had to run a rehearsal. Actually, I decided to run the rehearsal. I saw no point in sitting around with kids being loud and annoying for an hour. I wanted to rehearse them. It was interesting that a good amount of the schools I spoke with, some had music teachers that had been there for a long time. This made me think why they had been in there position for so long. The reasons are numerous. I think it also goes to show how happy teachers are in there position. We had the dean of students from one of the schools that was there, to explain to us about the schools. The fact the schools are open-minded and want the students to learn is a big reason in itself. I also believe the fact the directors of the schools let there faculty do what they want helps as well.
I do want to learn more about the one job I'm interested in. I would be extremely happy to teach woodwind instruments, as well as jazz music. They have a guitar player who isn't musically trained, they have a vocal teacher that has been there for 13 years, but I guess they have a middle school band program. My thought is if they have a guitar player who isn't musically trained, but he's teaching guitar and music, or something. I can teach some type of music. More to come later.
